What defines you?

I was once asked this very same question by a close friend of mine a couple of years ago. I don't remember what my answer was then but I never expected that her question would make so much impact on me even after all these years.

What defines me?

To answer, quoting Rick Warren... What defines us are commitments. These commitments can either make you or break you but either way, it will define you.

Everyday we are presented with different options or choices. In even less than a second, we can decide to choose whatever we desire. Commitments are very different from choices. Commitments are right choices with accountability. I say accountability because at any rate you have to stick to what you decided. No matter what... That's commitment.

We make good even a lot of poor choices in the course of our lifetime but we only make few commitments. And when we do we have to make sure we make this commitments work and we make it last.

It sounds as if making commitments and keeping them are tough,right? It can be! I sure can attest to that. But you know what? That's life! Life is about commitments. Who says life is full of rainbows anyway?

Now the challenge to all of us is this... What are our commitments? Have we kept these commitments? How do we make it work? How do we make it last?

I sure would have to do my own reflection on these questions but then again everything starts with that...

Almost

What better way to express one self than by a song... This is a song by Tamia entitled Almost. Disclaimer: Some lines in the lyrics perfectly describe me (feelings)... SOME! :)

Can you tell me how can one miss what she's never had,
How could I reminisce when there is no past,
How could I have memories of being happy with you boy,
Can someone tell me how can this be.

How could my mind, pull up incidents,
recall dates, and times that never happened,
How could we celebrate love that's too late,
and how could I really mean the words I'm bout to say.

I miss the times that we almost shared,
I miss the love that was almost there,
I miss the times that we used to kiss,
At least in my dreams just let me take my time and reminisce.

I miss the times that we never had,
What happened to us we were almost there,
Whoever said it's impossible to miss, what you never had,
Never almost had you..

I can not believe I let you go,
Or what I should say is, I should have grabbed you up,
and never let you go,
I shoulda went out with you,
I should made you my boo boy, yeah that's one time
I should of broke the rules.

Shoulda went on a date,
Shoulda found a way to escape,
Shoulda turned an almost into it, happen now it's too late.

How could I celebrate a love that wasn't real,
And if it didn't happen why does my heart feel.

I miss the times that we almost shared,
I miss the love that was almost there,
I miss the times that we used to kiss,
At least in my dreams just let me take my time and reminisce.

I miss the times that we never had,
What happened to us we were almost there,
Whoever said it's impossible to miss what you never had,
Never almost had you.....

And you seem to be the perfect one for me,
You.... You're all I ever wanted,
And you're my everything, yes it's true,
Boy it's hard to be close to you, my love.....
I know it may sound crazy, but I'm in love with you.....

I miss the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there, (almost there)
I miss the times when we used to kiss,
At least in my dreams let me take my time and reminisce.

I miss the times that we never had,
What happened to us we were almost there,
Whoever said it's impossible to miss what you never had,
Never almost had you....

I miss the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there,
I miss the times that we used to kiss,
At least in my dreams let me take my time and reminisce.

Missing the times that we never had,
What happened to us we were almost there,
Whoever said it's impossible to miss what you never had,
Never almost had you baby.

Said I miss you.. really, really miss you.. (But tonight I wanna love ya.)

On the Road to Solace

Im re-posting an entry I made around Feb. of last year,2009. It was at a time that I was full of negativities and heartaches for that matter. Getting to read it again, made sense to me once more... That if I was able to hope for the best then... there should not be any reason I wont be able to do that again...

Here it is...
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Isnt it amazing that someone you dont really know, can actually show you what solace is?

You wake up each day, bored, everything's just routinary,with nothing to expect... you complain about so many things, ur bitching abt ur shitty life, u curse abt ur freakin existence, u feel its the end of everything...

But you'd never know that a simple encounter with a stranger can actually be so moving? and it can actually change ure life, your point of view...

My encounter with this "Manong" is something that i badly needed... to learn, to mature, to be grateful, to forgive, to be humble and to simply just live... really live...

Now because of "Manong yosi" (yeah, yeah, got back to it again! :C ), my days are different... i can smile... i sleep better... and i will never, ever give up on trying to find solace.... my own bliss... in whatever form....

It comes to us everyday... if we only just stop and really just live our lives... just like "Manong" despite his aged face, beaten up by the years...

And in my last days of review... i may not see "manong" again... but in my heart... and in my mind... he'd be the ultimate reminder of what solace really is...

i wish that for myself everyday... and i wish that for everybody... regardless of who he is, where he came from, if we have history, he's a friend, an enemy, a relative perhaps... whoever...

coz solace... bliss... like a smile... is definitely contagious! :)
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Thank God for "Manong"! How I wish I could meet another "Manong". Someone who would help me realize that "this too shall pass."

I guess all of us has our own Manong? Maybe we dont have to look so far for them. Or better yet, maybe we can be "Manongs" to other people this time around? :)

I hope I can say this line once more about solace... with sincerity...

" i wish that for myself everyday... and i wish that for everybody... regardless of who he is, where he came from, if we have a history, he's a friend, an enemy, a relative perhaps... whoever... "

It takes a step to lead you somewhere and this time, Im bravely taking them... one step at a time... baby steps though... hehehe

This Guy

I met a guy... never liked him at first
"Typical guy, nothing spectacular", I keep on saying...
And then we got to talk... 2 hours or so?
He made me laugh... asked how my day was...
told him, "i would have wanted to watch this fireworks display thingie"
he said, "why didnt you?"
i said, " it sucks to watch it alone"
he said, "you dont have to..."
then i smiled... "yeah, i know..."

I went out with the guy... i was intrigued...
"Typical guy still, bit interesting", I told myself
And then we had dinner, drinks...
what an amazing conversation! perfect night...
and the song playing...
"I got a feeling... that tonight's gonna be a good night..."
what a song, we both said...
he asked, "did you have a good time?"
"yeah"... i said...
"i dont want you to go yet"...
then i smiled and said, " but i have to..."

saw the guy on a Saturday... i was excited!
"Typical guy, good enough to eat", I said
What do you wanna do, he said...
Anything! I blurted...
and so we did... I was on a high!
And then he said... "I have something to tell you..."
I went numb... (OH NO! NO, NO, NO! WHAT THE FUCK!)
"Are we ok? Are you sure?" he asked...
I smiled and nodded... "yeah... ok..."

met up with the guy... i have to do the right thing!
"Typical guy, oh my god, why do you have to look that way" I mumbled
"What am I here for?", I practically screamed...
- SILENCE ----------------------------
He said, "Shall we go?"
I nodded...
"I have to go back to my friends now"
He said, "wait... Are we ok?"
I said, smiled... (trying not to cry) "I guess..."

went out with the guy still... WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?
"Typical guy, but he's not your's, he will never be..." I kept on convincing myself!"
"I care for you, you make me happy, youre important for me..."
Then what am I here for? I kept saying...
--- SILENCE------------------------------
He said, " baby, please dont think about it yet..."
But we have to talk about it...
"I know this is important for you, i know it is unfair to you the most... but Its unfair for me too..."
"You have to answer me soon enough... this isnt right..."
We will talk about it... we agreed on a day right?
Yeah, we did... I said..
" Till then, please..."
I faked a smile and then said... "ok"

the guy called, I listened intently to his stories... "DO IT NOW!"
Typical guy...so cute... but i have to let go of him... "I bravely told myself
"Maybe the holidays is more than enough time to think things through"
He said, "please... we agreed on a day, I will tell you everything you need to know by then..."
I cant wait for that day any longer...
I know I cannot bear with your answers anyway...
I will never be your choice
And I dont want to be... they need you more than I do...
I began to cry...
he said, can I see you tonight?
I said, "Tonight's not good for me..."
----SILENCE-------------------------
I received a msg from him... "Whatever you decide... Id support you..." he said
I never said anything... I just cried...

weeks passed, the guy texted... "Are you in the office?"
"Typical guy, oh god, he's so yummy still... but those eyes... its different"
Here are the documents... he said...
I looked at it... ok...
Why am I so uncomfortable? Why are we so damn professional...
I wanted to say I missed him... But my courage failed me...
"Here's my stop" I said...
"Here na? nice place..." he said...
yeah... i dumbly blurted...
silence--------------------------
i have to go... i said.
he smiled, looked at me and said..."ok..."

this time i texted... "can you call me?" GO ON! TELL HIM!
"Typical guy, oh god, i miss his voice"
"Do you have something to tell me?" he asked...
"Can we meet?"
" I cant, Im stumped with work... I havent even played with them for 2 weeks now... yada, yada, yada...."
"ok"...i said...
"i need to tell you something" i said...
----SILENCE-----------------------------
"the line might get cut, im running out of load"
"its ok, this is fine."
have you eaten lunch? he said
im ok... you?
im fine too...
do you need to put the phone down, i said...
no... the line might get cut though... sorry, is it ok?
yeah... i tried to say...
--- line cut-------

once i met this guy, went out with this guy... LET GO, MOVE ON!
Typical guy, I said... left, gone... nothing
where is he now?
What is he doing?
------SILENCE-------------------
i'll be fine, i said....
im fine? i said....
i have to be fine...

this guy...
--------SILENCE---------------------------------

Bella, My Bestfriend...

I meant to write this blog for my pet dog, Bella. She's one of the reasons why I can still laugh and smile each day despite my so called problems. I was thinking instead of writing about "sad" topics might as well write something amusing.

I remember my English teacher in gradeschool, she would often ask us to write an essay just about anything.I was one of the students who would often say (out loud btw!), "NOT AGAIN!" I use to think writing essays were silly. Its one of the teacher's tactics on passing time, the students have something to do while she's SLEEPING! Nice one, TEACHer! You're supposed to TEACH! Well enough about that! HAHAHA

One of the common topics suggested by her would be... "Tell me about your pet". I used to laugh (really loud, and my teacher would "shoosh" me... haha) because I find her and the topic ridiculous. My 10 year old mind could not comprehend, why the hell would I write about my pet? "Its so lame, boring...", I would say. But years after, I now take what I said back...

Bella first came into my life at 2months old. I was awaken at 11 pm by the commotion I heard from my sister's room. I was suppose to shoosh them for being so damn loud. I opened my door as loud as I could to announce to them my irritation. As I prepare to shout, "Ano ba yan, natutulog ako, ang ingay nyo..." I saw this little creature being cuddled by my dad... it was so small and well... furry...

"So this was causing the commotion?", I said. "Pakarga nga!"... "Tapon ko to', eh!" (But while I was saying this, I already got hold of the creature and by this time carried it all the way to my room.)

Obviously, I fell in love with "it" right there and then. I guess its true, it was love at first sight for me.

Bella is my baby. I really am very "motherly" on her. You make sure she's well fed.She drinks her vitamins. She drinks milk in the morning. You spend time playing with her. You walk her around the village. You take her to the vet. You schedule play dates for her and her dog friends. You bathe her. You buy her clothes, shoes and toys. You have a bed for her with pillows. You stay up late when she's sick. Need I say more?

Love as they say is really unconditional. And the love I have for her is one example of this. Its to a point that you feel incomplete when she's not around. Its even so hard to leave her home. I even cry when she's sick! I cannot even digest the thought of her dying.

Bella too is my bestfriend. She is loyal and at any rate you could trust her. I even tell her my secrets! hahaha! She's my roomie actually. We wake up and sleep together.

There was even a time when Id pretend to cry and she would go to me and give me all her dog kisses. She's that sweet.

Its really true that your dog can sense your emotions so well though. During times that I feel I need a little cheering up, she'd know when to go to me and she'd literally just stay right by my side.

How I wish all of us could have our own "Bella". All of us can stay true and loyal. The world can be a better place if we are all like "Bella."

Do you also have a "Bella"? Tell me more about it! :)

Motivation, Habit, Drive!

" Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going."

What motivates you? What drives you? What keeps you going?

Have you thought of this lately? What is it that encourages you to get up every morning and face another day? My answer to that... simple... count your blessings!

I know this is a cliche already but really... count your blessings! It is often that we rant and rave about what's going wrong, what's lacking and what we didnt get. We spend so much time with negativity each day. Try calculating the time you spend on being idle, lazy,sulking and the like and you'd be surprise!

It is said that 80% of what we worry about is usually nonsense and 20% is manageable?

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesnt get you anywhere.

To my friends and bloggers who would be reading this, I know all of you would agree that what Im saying makes sense... (If it doesnt, then bug off! Kidding! ) and I know you would say this is easier said than done, to count your blessings, stay positive, yada...yada...yada...

But that's exactly my point! I didnt say its easy but its DOABLE! Its not a farfetched idea! Its not even impossible.

The gravity of our problems may differ but it would always have a solution!

For us (and I say us, for we are a team here!) to know what's the best solution? Let's all try to... COUNT OUR BLESSINGS! Just be thankful for what we have, what we experience and embrace what's present! Start with a clear head and a healthy disposition and from there everything would follow.

Now here's the 1st challenge, start counting your blessings, reflect on them, write about it, celebrate it! Then ask yourself, does this motivate me? If it does, then proceed to the next challenge...

2nd challenge: Make it a habit! everytime you'd feel the negative vibes, count your blessings! do it as often as possible. practice!make it a lifestyle.

I myself, constantly struggle in doing this challenge so I am with you in this. Remember, I am just a normal human being who wants things to be ok too...

This doesnt happen overnight! But it can happen!

Because... Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going!

I wanna hear from you... share your thoughts!

I have a blog!

I have a blog!

I remember creating a blog during my early college days and I remember doing it coz I have a crush on someone who is into blogging and you know pacute lang.

What made me create one again? I dont have a new crush who is into blogging again, excuse me! Well... to preserve my sanity... so there! I have been staying most of the time at home, trying to be productive... this would be included in my "productivity list". Wanna know what's in that list? Here it goes...

1) Go online for "work" - what kind of work, you dont wanna know!
2) Check email and try to find work
3) Check FB
4) Cook! :)
5) Be the errands girl of the house!
6) Do chores - busybusyhan
7) Eat then SLEEP!
8) Exercise!
9) Go out with friends! the less gastos of the gimik = confirmed attendance
10) Try to compute until when my funds would last!
11) Convincing myself that i deserve a better man!
12) Blog... Yippee
13) Read books I havent read... or read again the books I have read?!
14) Count all the imaginary sheeps I see when my lights are off to get myself to sleep.
15) Oohhh... Play with Bella my baby!
16) Pray the novena...

Pretty much that's what I do per day... Id add more if I remember anything else...

Maybe you can share youre productivity list too?! What's productivity anyway?

You may ask, why such blog name? that's my street talaga!